To lose my life?

So after leaving my friend's house Tuesday, this thought popped into my head, what if I lost my life tonight? I don't know if that meant actually literally losing my life or if it meant just spiritually losing it. I wish I knew what God was trying to tell me.


Its past the middle of the week, and to say the least this week has been trying. I am so tired of not having any respect. I don't want to scrap the whole week because I haven't experienced Thursday, Friday or the weekend yet.


I am tired of fighting and tired of losing. Tired of standing up for what is right, only to get knocked back down. I am tired of promises being broken and words being said with no real intentions behind it.

Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it. 

Luke 17:33 

I am still wrestling with what this verse means.


So I slept on it, and this is what God told me last night. Maybe what I am tired of is what I have to get rid of. Maybe that's what losing myself means? Maybe it means that I have to let God be the one to fight and be the one that wins. He can stand up for me and He won't get knocked down. He is strong. He doesn't make promises, He can't keep. Proof is in the rainbow. :) 


I didn't want this post to be about dying but renewing my faith in him. 


I WANT TO LOSE MY LIFE! 


Because nothing is better than realizing that God has your back no matter what. People lie, cheat and steal. People hurt us. Do you see God doing that? The answer is no, because He is perfect.


Isn't God always great? He knows just what to say. He knows how to calm the troubled heart and loves me when I am feeling hurt and betrayed. Sometimes I imagine Him holding me close with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. The place of comfort. That is where I want to be. Always.