Father, I Cry Out

Its the first day off the fast and I can't explain how I feel. I definitely don't feel like myself. Today I hibernated all day. I stayed in my pajamas and only getting out of bed to refresh the internet and go to the bathroom. I know its a little insane. A lot happened this weekend and I was exhausted. I did eat so don't be worrying about that. 


Today my thoughts raced on my desires. How can I have such a moving weekend, filled with God and people that love and care about me, but then have a day that removes my energy and is just overall discouraging? How can I have desires that are not good? How can I desire these things? It doesn't make sense. Not at all.


Reflection after the fast, well I am stuck. Not sure what to think really. I took a shower this evening and just let the water pour over me. Its like I am numb. I have felt this way before. It is kind of debilitating. I don't do anything. 


Here I am. Then all of a sudden I start crying and I don't know why. I hear this song turn on in my head, coincidence? I think not. It was one lyric from the song, "We Cry Out," by Jesus Culture. My dreams have been especially weird lately, and I will not go into it here, but they aren't Godly. All I know is I have been crying out to God in them.

So many things that I just don't understand. Things that I may never understand. I push on. I push forward. I strive for something unknown to me. Some days its so scary, because I have no idea what lies ahead. That's when I have to tell myself that God is there and knows best. Trust in Him, Nicole. It's okay. You can be safe in His arms.


Lord,
I praise you for this day. I pray that you continue to pour Yourself out on me. I pray that You continue to help me work through this mess. Father, I cry out to you. Please continue to hold me. I am scared. I pray that you weave my dreams tonight as sleep will come soon. I pray that you continue to be with my friends and I pray for their health as everyone seems to be getting sick. I pray all these things in your name.


Amen.