After a bit of a hiatus on here. I am ready to put down some thoughts.
I have come into a situation that has recently reared its ugly head again. Its called long distance friendships.
You know how that saying goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," was obviously blinded by love, because absence doesn't make my heart do anything nice.
That saying really does make me laugh. I find no truth in it at all.
The next thing I have learned over the last few months, was that the most important thing, is relationships, relationships, relationships. This means relationship with God, relationships with others, and relationship with yourself. The importance lies in with being in fellowship with others. Its like we as people crave it. I know I do.
Do you ever feel upset or uneasy when you aren't in fellowship with someone? I do. I hate it. It is like living in secrets or always feeling like you are mad at someone. What's worse? The worst thing is that they don't understand what you need. It is simple really. To hear three words..."I HEAR YOU." That would mean the world to me.
I will admit I have a hard time with understanding the other side of a person's perspective. On my defense it is hard to realize when so much time goes without saying anything between the friendship.
Right or wrong, I sent a message to my friend, and more so I have just been feeling ignored. Its not that I was saying our friendship has been less because of the no communication, but it feels like it. It is hard to talk myself into that person and you still having somewhat of a friendship, without talking for four months. All I was looking for was some truth. If I am not supposed to be in your life right now, I'd rather know now, than go on without any hope. It just makes a person go crazy and overall frustrated. I know from experience.
The Response:
She responded with angry words and I can tell she was frustrated. It's funny that the things I am frustrated with are the exact opposite of what she is frustrated with. She doesn't understand why I don't understand and I don't understand why she doesn't understand. The response I was looking for was more understanding, that she would say, "I hear you." Something like, "I can see you are struggling and have been reaching out more..." Overall I just wanted to feel validated and heard. But I didn't get anything like that. It was even threatened that the friendship be terminated. Talking to a friend tonight helped because it was stated that the friend has now handed me terms of the relationship and how far she is willing to go right now, which isn't that much. Now I have to decide what to do.
The Holy Spirit speaks:
Everyone wants to know the solution or figure out why you are frustrated over an issue. There has to be an underlying reason, right? This is what I figured out. 1. We valued our relationship differently and that is why we had a miscommunication over not communicating. Hence the frustration on both of our parts. 2. Relationships are important as stated above. Any way you cut it if you are out of fellowship with someone for any length of time, the friendship or relationship will suffer. It will not go back to the way it was. It just doesn't work like that.
Keep the faith and relying on God, even if it is the hard thing to do.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Friday, August 30, 2013
Life Group...Love...Challenges...Growth
I have been reading a book called, "Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive" by John Eldredge throughout the summer along with my life group. There has been a lot of changes this year alone. Changes in leadership. Changes in meeting location. Changes in who God has brought to the group.
God is definitely in the business of teaching lessons and I am definitely in the middle of learning one. I don't know about the rest of my group members, but I hope they have been listening.
I found the last 2 chapters in the book really interesting. Obviously the chapters were written before any of the group stuff had happened, but it seemed to me that it was written about what has been going on the last few months. Crazy how God connects pieces of information and experiences. I just simply love when I can connect the dots as well.
During reading in Chapter 11, titled "Fellowships of the Heart," I found this really interesting especially with the group dynamics currently. The group should offer the stream of Counseling to one another, but we can’t unless we truly know one another and know their stories. This is what I have been searching for, or at least trying to create in a group of people. This is what I would like a fellowship group I want to be in do; hear each other’s stories, discover each other’s glories, learn to walk with God together, pray for each other’s healing, and cover each other’s back. The little fellowships or communities mean sharing life. They also worship together, eat together, pray for one another, go on quests together, and hang out together, in each other’s homes.
When I was reading the last two chapters I found it comical because I have already had to endure some of the things the author was talking about, such as fighting for the community or life group. It talks about, “you’ll fight to get one, and you’ll fight to keep it afloat. But you fight for it as you bail out a life raft during a storm at sea. You want this thing to work, and you need it to work…. Without it you’ll go down. Or back to captivity.” These words hit home. I have been there the last 8 months and I continue to fight for this group. It helps to have conversations with God and friends to encourage me, but I am also finding I cannot be the only one to fight. I need others to say this is important too. Or let’s just get out the life raft….
This girl is frustrated. Still trying to work through the frustration and to better hear on what God wants me to do. I know God still has plans for this group or people in the group. Its not finished or I think I would have less trouble walking away. I have told my group 2 weeks ago that I was taking a break from the leadership responsibilities and find myself struggling to actually take a break. How weird is that? It's hard after being so involved over a long period of time.
I am confused on why I have such a passion for this group, but its apparent that no one else shares this passion. It makes me sad, because I believe that this group will dissolve. So in reality what was the point in fighting? I hope sometime soon, God reveals the turning point in all of this tribulation because I would really like to know why this is happening.
If you are able, please pray for this group of people and for protection against spiritual warfare. I truly believe that satan is at work here and is dividing the group or even causing some people to turn away. God has plans and satan does not want anything good to come out of this group. And pray whatever ends up happening that God's will be done, and that He will be glorified in the end.
Thank you!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
The Light: Let it SHINE!
I have been thinking about being the light a lot. God has been giving me several images of being the light and what it does. It was helpful that in a time of darkness God reminded me that I was letting satan hide my brightness. Last week I went through a time of high stress and where everything bothered me. I was on the verge of tears and showing signs of stress. It came to a peak on Friday where everything was just bad. So much on my mind, and I was anticipating things in the next coming weeks. I am working a lot of hours to cover some people at my work taking vacation. I am finding the less that I initiate conversations with my friends, the less they try and communicate with me. The whole situation makes me very sad.
A lot of other things are going on too. But I don't feel like sharing it right now. Overall God has been good. I cried that Friday night, and as my mom says, "let some stress out by crying."
So back to the light. I have been trying to figure out how to put the images into words. Last week I felt like I was being consumed by the darkness, with my light slowly fading. Then God pops this image into my head about Matthew 5:14-15, "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand and it gives light to all in the house." I see this that God makes us a light not to shine with other lights but to shine where it counts in the dark.
What is stronger? What burns brighter? If there is one light among many lights, can you really see the power of that one light? No, you can't because it can be outshone by the other lights. What if the light stands alone and there is no other light around it, can it be seen alone in all of its glory? It was made for that job. It was made to be the light of the world. How glorifying is that? Such an awesome sight.
Matthew 5:16, states, "In the same way let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven."
In other words, we as Christians need to work hard at realizing the schemes of the devil. He tries to smudge our light out and make us weak. He tells us lies and puts out fires in our hearts. He spreads rumors about our friends, and kills all of our support. Telling us we have nothing to live for or even nothing to help us out of the hole. He isolates and he laughs at us when we feel down. God comes in and shows us what we can't see. That satan was wrong. I see God as a father figure. He doesn't laugh and is always there for us. As in the words of my friend Marjorie, "the Lord is strong and mighty."
As Christians we also need to work hard at being a light. We need to shine bright. In the darkness especially. It is so easy to be a beacon with others, and not see the real importance of shedding light into the dark corners of the world.
So in ending this post, I have realized the importance of how being a light can be glorifying. God loves to see us shine. He doesn't want us to be downtrodden. He loves us and ultimately wants to see others find their light so He can be glorified.
A lot of other things are going on too. But I don't feel like sharing it right now. Overall God has been good. I cried that Friday night, and as my mom says, "let some stress out by crying."
So back to the light. I have been trying to figure out how to put the images into words. Last week I felt like I was being consumed by the darkness, with my light slowly fading. Then God pops this image into my head about Matthew 5:14-15, "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand and it gives light to all in the house." I see this that God makes us a light not to shine with other lights but to shine where it counts in the dark.
What is stronger? What burns brighter? If there is one light among many lights, can you really see the power of that one light? No, you can't because it can be outshone by the other lights. What if the light stands alone and there is no other light around it, can it be seen alone in all of its glory? It was made for that job. It was made to be the light of the world. How glorifying is that? Such an awesome sight.
Matthew 5:16, states, "In the same way let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven."
In other words, we as Christians need to work hard at realizing the schemes of the devil. He tries to smudge our light out and make us weak. He tells us lies and puts out fires in our hearts. He spreads rumors about our friends, and kills all of our support. Telling us we have nothing to live for or even nothing to help us out of the hole. He isolates and he laughs at us when we feel down. God comes in and shows us what we can't see. That satan was wrong. I see God as a father figure. He doesn't laugh and is always there for us. As in the words of my friend Marjorie, "the Lord is strong and mighty."
As Christians we also need to work hard at being a light. We need to shine bright. In the darkness especially. It is so easy to be a beacon with others, and not see the real importance of shedding light into the dark corners of the world.
So in ending this post, I have realized the importance of how being a light can be glorifying. God loves to see us shine. He doesn't want us to be downtrodden. He loves us and ultimately wants to see others find their light so He can be glorified.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Life with a Purpose: Live it To the Fullest
I recently came upon this story of a young man named Zach Sobiech. He is a 18 year old who was diagnosed with osteosarcoma at the age of 14. After multiple surgeries and chemotherapy, it was found that the cancer had spread to his lungs and pelvis. He passed away on 5/20/13. What I think is so cool about his story, is that he left a legacy behind. He was loved by so many. I, however didn't know him, but was moved by his story and his music.
To watch his story.
It got me thinking. I want to leave a legacy, but for me I know it will be different. I want to live out the path God has for me. I have been seeing a different side of myself that God has clearly opened up to me. Background if you haven't read my previous posts, I am an introvert. I have been given the opportunity to lead a small group at my church, which if you know introverts at all is such a thing that is way out of their comfort zone. But its almost that I thrive for that atmosphere. Yes, there are things that I am not good at like sometimes speaking up or leading a good discussion. But the way I see it is that it is a learning process. God has me there for a reason. A reason to make him known and for others to know him. One day I was told by God to not give up, because we are supposed to make disciples, not go and find already made disciples. Such a humbling truth.
Right now I feel stuck. I am frustrated, and mainly discouraged. This isn't how I should be living. God has so much better for me. I can feel him near. I am at a loss of what to do. I am getting discouraged by my small group. It was canceled last week from the lack of people attending. I hate saying this, but I have no hope. I feel that this is just what the group will be. I talked to someone who is a leader who oversees all the small groups. He did give me some options. But this is what stuck out, and I praise God for this insight. When you feel like there is no other option or you have no idea what to do, I totally believe that God sends you someone to help spark something inside to help open your field of vision. He said that maybe the frustration and discouragement is from a place that God wants me to learn something. It's a weird spot to be in. I don't hate it, but it's also not an enjoyable feeling. After attending Life Link class at church, I am trying to resolve to not and attempt to move forward until I realize what God wants me to know and learn.
I hope the lesson gets revealed soon.
Here is one of my favorite songs from Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown called, "Fix Me Up."
This song is an inspiration to me. Hope it gives you a smile or even a message from God.
As always, keep the faith!
To watch his story.
It got me thinking. I want to leave a legacy, but for me I know it will be different. I want to live out the path God has for me. I have been seeing a different side of myself that God has clearly opened up to me. Background if you haven't read my previous posts, I am an introvert. I have been given the opportunity to lead a small group at my church, which if you know introverts at all is such a thing that is way out of their comfort zone. But its almost that I thrive for that atmosphere. Yes, there are things that I am not good at like sometimes speaking up or leading a good discussion. But the way I see it is that it is a learning process. God has me there for a reason. A reason to make him known and for others to know him. One day I was told by God to not give up, because we are supposed to make disciples, not go and find already made disciples. Such a humbling truth.
Right now I feel stuck. I am frustrated, and mainly discouraged. This isn't how I should be living. God has so much better for me. I can feel him near. I am at a loss of what to do. I am getting discouraged by my small group. It was canceled last week from the lack of people attending. I hate saying this, but I have no hope. I feel that this is just what the group will be. I talked to someone who is a leader who oversees all the small groups. He did give me some options. But this is what stuck out, and I praise God for this insight. When you feel like there is no other option or you have no idea what to do, I totally believe that God sends you someone to help spark something inside to help open your field of vision. He said that maybe the frustration and discouragement is from a place that God wants me to learn something. It's a weird spot to be in. I don't hate it, but it's also not an enjoyable feeling. After attending Life Link class at church, I am trying to resolve to not and attempt to move forward until I realize what God wants me to know and learn.
I hope the lesson gets revealed soon.
Here is one of my favorite songs from Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown called, "Fix Me Up."
This song is an inspiration to me. Hope it gives you a smile or even a message from God.
As always, keep the faith!
Friday, May 17, 2013
That Little Dance We Do
I have been thinking about what God thinks of me. I can feel myself holding back or doing a little dance so to speak. I wonder if sometimes God is trying to coax us into getting us to the spot he wants us to be in. In my last post I talk about holding tight onto something, and needing to let go.
That dance such as He wants us to take that one step, but instead we go every which way except the way he wants us to go. Like it is some big rebellion. With each step I go a different way and not that spot he wants. Why is it so hard to follow? If we just went the way he had planned in the first place, we wouldn't go through all the pain and hardships. Some pain just comes with following, and I look forward to some tribulations as what the disciples went through. But I believe some hold back in fear of what may come next. I do.
For example, I have been out of school for 2 years. I feel I have nothing to show for it. Yes I got my Master's degree, but without passing the boards for my certification, it really means nothing more than a piece of paper.
I have really been wrestling with some decisions lately. I have realized I still struggle with anxiety. Thankfully it is not as bad as it has been in the past. I attack myself.
What are the causes? I think of my friends who struggle with other things like eating disorders or because of a crappy childhood they have issues into adulthood. Life is hard. I just think about how we are perceived by others. Just because people look happy on the outside doesn't mean there is work needed to be done on the inside. The main cause I can think of is Fear!
This is a recurring theme. Fear...it is debilitating. A life changer. A path destroyer. An enemy. All of these things and more. I confess I have fear. I don't turn to God like I should. My feet are planted in the ground, and I run away.
It makes me sad to think about this, because of how fear can manipulate. It manipulates us into a different way of thinking. A thinking far from God. It places space between Him and us.
I have been thinking that God wants more from us, more from me. I have been holding back, because I have been scared. I don't want to fail again. For me failure is a giant stumbling block for me. Instead I make excuses and in that sabotage myself for a happier life or even a better career. It is not as easy as you think.
Prayer can help. Having a good support system helps too. But the real transformation happens when you confess what is going on in your life, first to God and then if you are still struggling to a close trusted friend.
Stop dancing and start walking in the truth and the light. You will be happier you did. I am at least turned into the right spot now.
As always, keep the faith. Love mercy and walk humbly with God.
That dance such as He wants us to take that one step, but instead we go every which way except the way he wants us to go. Like it is some big rebellion. With each step I go a different way and not that spot he wants. Why is it so hard to follow? If we just went the way he had planned in the first place, we wouldn't go through all the pain and hardships. Some pain just comes with following, and I look forward to some tribulations as what the disciples went through. But I believe some hold back in fear of what may come next. I do.
For example, I have been out of school for 2 years. I feel I have nothing to show for it. Yes I got my Master's degree, but without passing the boards for my certification, it really means nothing more than a piece of paper.
I have really been wrestling with some decisions lately. I have realized I still struggle with anxiety. Thankfully it is not as bad as it has been in the past. I attack myself.
What are the causes? I think of my friends who struggle with other things like eating disorders or because of a crappy childhood they have issues into adulthood. Life is hard. I just think about how we are perceived by others. Just because people look happy on the outside doesn't mean there is work needed to be done on the inside. The main cause I can think of is Fear!
This is a recurring theme. Fear...it is debilitating. A life changer. A path destroyer. An enemy. All of these things and more. I confess I have fear. I don't turn to God like I should. My feet are planted in the ground, and I run away.
It makes me sad to think about this, because of how fear can manipulate. It manipulates us into a different way of thinking. A thinking far from God. It places space between Him and us.
I have been thinking that God wants more from us, more from me. I have been holding back, because I have been scared. I don't want to fail again. For me failure is a giant stumbling block for me. Instead I make excuses and in that sabotage myself for a happier life or even a better career. It is not as easy as you think.
Prayer can help. Having a good support system helps too. But the real transformation happens when you confess what is going on in your life, first to God and then if you are still struggling to a close trusted friend.
Stop dancing and start walking in the truth and the light. You will be happier you did. I am at least turned into the right spot now.
As always, keep the faith. Love mercy and walk humbly with God.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Holding Tight but Needing to Let Go
I have been having some imagery from God of not letting go, but actually holding tight. I have heard 3 different accounts of people who have had circumstances where they were putting things before God. In some ways, it could be him punishing them and not letting them have what they want until the object of their affection was moved to its rightful position...on God.
This makes me think. I have been putting finding someone to be my husband or even date before God. I have sought out resources even by going on to some dating websites and buying books to be more patient. Patience for waiting for the right man God has picked out for me, but even being the woman I need to be first.
So I have decided to put that stuff aside and work on being patient. Again.
Did I mention I really hate waiting?
Hate it...
And I am not that good at it....
Here's to whomever God has planned for me. I'm sure all this waiting will yield something grand.
This makes me think. I have been putting finding someone to be my husband or even date before God. I have sought out resources even by going on to some dating websites and buying books to be more patient. Patience for waiting for the right man God has picked out for me, but even being the woman I need to be first.
So I have decided to put that stuff aside and work on being patient. Again.
Did I mention I really hate waiting?
Hate it...
And I am not that good at it....
Here's to whomever God has planned for me. I'm sure all this waiting will yield something grand.
Works in to Work Through
I have been learning a lot. I have been given the opportunity a month ago to take a class through my church called Life Link. It's a class that is supposed to be directed to those who have not experienced being in a life group.
Yet I was given the opportunity to go. My pastor has been meeting with me about my life group and know about the difficulties I have been having. So he suggested me to this class, in hopes for me to gain some leadership or even how to communicate with my group better. One of my fears when I started the group was that I would like that group better than my actual life group of peers. But one of the reasons of this was because, we went deeper in four weeks than my other life group has gone through in 3 years. I mean there has been growth, but not intimate/authentic sharing, and just overall trust in the group.
My life group has gone through lots of changes. The main theme of the group should be transitions. People leaving or just simply the growth of some individuals in the group. We may not be growing exponentially, but as God has been reminding me, "it is not about the numbers, it is about who shows up."
So the purpose of this post, God works in us to work through us. What a concept! He is always preparing us to do work in others. Prime example, I have taken the boards to get licensed to become a licensed therapist, yet I have failed twice. It has been a long road and it has taken me down many avenues, which has ultimately has grown me. My friend has had a recent situation close to mine and I was able to talk to her about my experiences and help lead her to a better state of mind. Yes its frustrating, but also to still see her drive and ambition to continue on has propelled me to take a second look at myself. Where am I headed and am I happy with my current job?
I don't know all the answers, yet I try and seek God for his ways. How awesome in a round about way, did God use my friend's hardships to help me look back at my own life and decisions?
God sure is amazing!
Yet I was given the opportunity to go. My pastor has been meeting with me about my life group and know about the difficulties I have been having. So he suggested me to this class, in hopes for me to gain some leadership or even how to communicate with my group better. One of my fears when I started the group was that I would like that group better than my actual life group of peers. But one of the reasons of this was because, we went deeper in four weeks than my other life group has gone through in 3 years. I mean there has been growth, but not intimate/authentic sharing, and just overall trust in the group.
My life group has gone through lots of changes. The main theme of the group should be transitions. People leaving or just simply the growth of some individuals in the group. We may not be growing exponentially, but as God has been reminding me, "it is not about the numbers, it is about who shows up."
So the purpose of this post, God works in us to work through us. What a concept! He is always preparing us to do work in others. Prime example, I have taken the boards to get licensed to become a licensed therapist, yet I have failed twice. It has been a long road and it has taken me down many avenues, which has ultimately has grown me. My friend has had a recent situation close to mine and I was able to talk to her about my experiences and help lead her to a better state of mind. Yes its frustrating, but also to still see her drive and ambition to continue on has propelled me to take a second look at myself. Where am I headed and am I happy with my current job?
I don't know all the answers, yet I try and seek God for his ways. How awesome in a round about way, did God use my friend's hardships to help me look back at my own life and decisions?
God sure is amazing!
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