That Little Dance We Do

I have been thinking about what God thinks of me. I can feel myself holding back or doing a little dance so to speak. I wonder if sometimes God is trying to coax us into getting us to the spot he wants us to be in. In my last post I talk about holding tight onto something, and needing to let go. 

That dance such as He wants us to take that one step, but instead we go every which way except the way he wants us to go. Like it is some big rebellion. With each step I go a different way and not that spot he wants. Why is it so hard to follow? If we just went the way he had planned in the first place, we wouldn't go through all the pain and hardships. Some pain just comes with following, and I look forward to some tribulations as what the disciples went through. But I believe some hold back in fear of what may come next. I do.

For example, I have been out of school for 2 years. I feel I have nothing to show for it. Yes I got my Master's degree, but without passing the boards for my certification, it really means nothing more than a piece of paper.

I have really been wrestling with some decisions lately. I have realized I still struggle with anxiety. Thankfully it is not as bad as it has been in the past. I attack myself.

What are the causes? I think of my friends who struggle with other things like eating disorders or because of a crappy childhood they have issues into adulthood. Life is hard. I just think about how we are perceived by others. Just because people look happy on the outside doesn't mean there is work needed to be done on the inside. The main cause I can think of is Fear!

This is a recurring theme. Fear...it is debilitating. A life changer. A path destroyer. An enemy. All of these things and more. I confess I have fear. I don't turn to God like I should. My feet are planted in the ground, and I run away. 

It makes me sad to think about this, because of how fear can manipulate. It manipulates us into a different way of thinking. A thinking far from God. It places space between Him and us. 

I have been thinking that God wants more from us, more from me. I have been holding back, because I have been scared. I don't want to fail again. For me failure is a giant stumbling block for me. Instead I make excuses and in that sabotage myself for a happier life or even a better career. It is not as easy as you think.

Prayer can help. Having a good support system helps too. But the real transformation happens when you confess what is going on in your life, first to God and then if you are still struggling to a close trusted friend.

Stop dancing and start walking in the truth and the light. You will be happier you did. I am at least turned into the right spot now.

As always, keep the faith. Love mercy and walk humbly with God.