Books...I just love books.
What do I love the most? I love that it takes me to places I have never been. It removes me from my current situation and places me into a place of adventure. It brings me to a place of solace, a place where I can fully relax.
The next thing I love about books is being sucked in, or swept off my feet, depending on the type of story. The latest series that has captured my interest is The Hunger Games. If you haven't read them, you should. It is an interesting story line. I am in the last book and each book has contained its own twists and turns. Its like the feeling of being on a roller coaster for me, the adrenaline and the rush of the excitement.
The other book I recently stumbled upon was called, The Tale of Three Trees. It is such an inspiring and encouraging story. Its about three trees who dream of being something greater. Greater to the extent of being used for the glory of God. I loved this twenty cent find at a local surplus store. There is an inscription in the front that describes that this book has been handed down from parents to children, retold in churches at Christmas and Easter, and even set to music and sung. How cool that I find this book on Good Friday, two days before Easter! Read it, when I did it gave me chills.
It releases the pain. I can't explain it. But I also think God is giving me the opportunity to release the hurts by letting me escape my world into another.
Books not only bring you to far away places, but they can teach you and help you grow to become a better person. A good book exampling growth is the Bible. It is filled with stories on love, sacrifices, and adventure. Stories you can learn something in every age. I have read other books that God has given me. One in particular called The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World. It opened my eyes and unlocked something in my brain. I knew I was always different. My mom thought I would grow out of it and become more outgoing. But God showed me I was different for a reason. I analyze things differently and have really good observational skills. I am not always outgoing but that book equipped me with some skills that help me to be outgoing and extroverted when I need to be.
Books are good. I love books and the above reasons are why I love books. I am so thankful that God inspired so many people with words to entertain people's minds, especially mine.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Drifting
As I drift off to sleep last night I find several images come into view. These thoughts cross my mind.
Let me set the scene...
I am sitting on a flat mountain top enjoying the view. Then I stand up to feel the wind in my hair. I'm half way to the edge and the view is the most beautiful scene I have ever seen. Blue skies and red rock as far as the eye can see, and I can feel the sun heating my skin. Now imagine this, God is on one side talking to me persuading me to go away from the ledge and on the other side Satan is trying his best to talk me to get closer to the edge. I can not visually see these two spirits, but can feel them battling for my soul.
Sunday night as I was returning home from life group I had an encounter. It was the kind of encounter not of God and I started to proclaim the name of Jesus in my car. Praying and declaring that Satan had no authority over me and anything in my mind. For me to recognize this attack, takes a lot because Satan is good at being camouflaged.
The past few days I have taken a lighter approach to battle the demons, which I find has not been a good idea. The thing that I can't seem to abolish are the images that start off innocent but develop into something much worse. It's astounding to how Satan can influence our thoughts and take over one instance and change it to something one-hundred and eighty degrees different.The images are graphic and will get no more explanation than that.
Other than that, I want to touch on some happier notes. Today I drove to Kalamazoo, to visit friends, but one in particular who was visiting from Japan. I hadn't seen her in two-plus years. It was good to catch up and have a mini reunion with friends from the past. I had a good time with some new people and even took a small adventure. I have missed my friends. As stated in an earlier post, it is hard to be transitioning out of old relationships and into new ones. Sometimes new relationships do not come and then where does it leave the person. It leaves them waiting and searching for new beginnings.
There is so much that I know, but can't help it to fall in the same circle of repeating hurts. Today I hear myself say the same words over again. I feel stuck. I know that I will be okay. God is with me always, even when Satan is spreading lies.
If you are where I am, I encourage you to talk to someone who knows Christ. He is the only one that can fill the void and love you unconditionally. I know I am drifting in and out but it only takes one person to redirect my thoughts, and life back on my true love, Jesus. He is my redeemer, protector, and warrior of my battles with Satan.
I hope whomever reads this stays encouraged. You are not alone. There are others out there that struggle just like you do. Stay encouraged and don't give in to the lies. May God be with you in your battles against the evil one.
Let me set the scene...
I am sitting on a flat mountain top enjoying the view. Then I stand up to feel the wind in my hair. I'm half way to the edge and the view is the most beautiful scene I have ever seen. Blue skies and red rock as far as the eye can see, and I can feel the sun heating my skin. Now imagine this, God is on one side talking to me persuading me to go away from the ledge and on the other side Satan is trying his best to talk me to get closer to the edge. I can not visually see these two spirits, but can feel them battling for my soul.
Sunday night as I was returning home from life group I had an encounter. It was the kind of encounter not of God and I started to proclaim the name of Jesus in my car. Praying and declaring that Satan had no authority over me and anything in my mind. For me to recognize this attack, takes a lot because Satan is good at being camouflaged.
The past few days I have taken a lighter approach to battle the demons, which I find has not been a good idea. The thing that I can't seem to abolish are the images that start off innocent but develop into something much worse. It's astounding to how Satan can influence our thoughts and take over one instance and change it to something one-hundred and eighty degrees different.The images are graphic and will get no more explanation than that.
Other than that, I want to touch on some happier notes. Today I drove to Kalamazoo, to visit friends, but one in particular who was visiting from Japan. I hadn't seen her in two-plus years. It was good to catch up and have a mini reunion with friends from the past. I had a good time with some new people and even took a small adventure. I have missed my friends. As stated in an earlier post, it is hard to be transitioning out of old relationships and into new ones. Sometimes new relationships do not come and then where does it leave the person. It leaves them waiting and searching for new beginnings.
There is so much that I know, but can't help it to fall in the same circle of repeating hurts. Today I hear myself say the same words over again. I feel stuck. I know that I will be okay. God is with me always, even when Satan is spreading lies.
If you are where I am, I encourage you to talk to someone who knows Christ. He is the only one that can fill the void and love you unconditionally. I know I am drifting in and out but it only takes one person to redirect my thoughts, and life back on my true love, Jesus. He is my redeemer, protector, and warrior of my battles with Satan.
I hope whomever reads this stays encouraged. You are not alone. There are others out there that struggle just like you do. Stay encouraged and don't give in to the lies. May God be with you in your battles against the evil one.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Becoming Unglued
So today didn't go as planned. But the last few days haven't been seeming to go the way I see them when I first wake up. I am okay with that. What I am not okay with, is seeming to become unglued. I get this mental picture of a sculpture or statue breaking apart and not having the right glue or enough glue to put me back together. I wish I didn't feel this way.
Lately, I seem to be disappointing everyone, even myself. That is such a hard thing to swallow. I may be letting down myself and others, makes me so sad and angry. I feel like I don't make the right choices and that might just be Satan chipping away at my exterior telling me lies. When I realize it, I start picking up the pieces and gluing them back on.
More about today, and the past few days. I have been trying to stay so strong for myself and others. I want to scream. I get angry and upset. Things I can't control and I am hurt. I wonder if its my fault that friends have pulled away, or lied or manipulated others. What did I do?
Today I was very sassy. Possibly this could be because I haven't seen this one friend in a long time, where we have actually spent time together besides skyping or talking on the phone. What she doesn't know about today is that I was fighting back tears all day. I was upset about the last few days and about a situation that occurred at home. I find myself rehashing the situation in my head, thinking about it continuously, wondering how I could have reacted differently. I find letting things go difficult.
Lately, to stay strong is my only defense. I can't tell people what is really going on. That I got yelled at yesterday or how I truly feel at odds with myself. Going back and forth, and back and forth, trying to get the end that seems less complicated. You want to know what is worse? The self-hate and self-doubt. I know this is Satan telling me lies, but its easier to go downstream than upstream. I am tired of fighting. The thoughts are back and recurring some days. I sometimes close my eyes and imagine something better. A rainbow, hanging out with my best friend, a really good dream, a good outcome for the future, and anything that makes me happy and removes me from the current situation. The other thing that is hard to admit is that I have been neglecting myself. Been listening to more lies, of which Satan has happily provided about body image and nutrition.
The one thing in my life right now that seems to be taking up lots of room in my head is the situation with one of my friends. I can not fathom what is going on. I don't even know. One minute she is talking to me the next she is not. I can't even grasp this concept. It hurts me to no end. In one of my last posts, I thought God had given me this as an opportunity to evaluate this friendship and figure out what step to take next. But I am still left with questions.
This thought came into my head today about being glued and running out of glue. I asked myself this question, what holds you together? It surely isn't glue. Well, possibly the glue made from God. He keeps me together. I simply forget to rely on Him. The other things I know that keep me in one piece are my friends. Without them I would be a complete mess. They always help me turn my eyes back on God, encourage me, and pray for me.
So for the past few days I have been turning to this song, by Newsboys titled, "God's Not Dead." It talks about how God is living on the inside and roaring like a lion. I stop on these lines and how it says God is roaring like a lion. This resonates with me because I wonder to myself if I have been feeding the lion or neglecting it. I have noticed I seem to be neglecting to put on my armor, so I am hypothesizing that the lion has also been receiving some neglect.
Tonight I urgently and earnestly pray to God that he will take my life and hold it in his hands. I know he can feel my tired body and wants me to seek his will and let go of all the hurts. Tonight I give up what is hurting me tonight, the self-doubt, the self-hate, the image and act of self-harm, the lies, the control and anything else that has been holding me from His grace this week. I am worthy to receive His love, peace, and mercy. God I don't want to be the controller of the glue. You have the masterpiece in mind and can work much swifter from the dual perspective of inside and outside of the work itself. Please continue to speak words of love over me. Calm this timid spirit inside of me. Give me opportunities for peace, self-growth and confidence.
Signed as always,
Nicole
Lately, I seem to be disappointing everyone, even myself. That is such a hard thing to swallow. I may be letting down myself and others, makes me so sad and angry. I feel like I don't make the right choices and that might just be Satan chipping away at my exterior telling me lies. When I realize it, I start picking up the pieces and gluing them back on.
More about today, and the past few days. I have been trying to stay so strong for myself and others. I want to scream. I get angry and upset. Things I can't control and I am hurt. I wonder if its my fault that friends have pulled away, or lied or manipulated others. What did I do?
Today I was very sassy. Possibly this could be because I haven't seen this one friend in a long time, where we have actually spent time together besides skyping or talking on the phone. What she doesn't know about today is that I was fighting back tears all day. I was upset about the last few days and about a situation that occurred at home. I find myself rehashing the situation in my head, thinking about it continuously, wondering how I could have reacted differently. I find letting things go difficult.
Lately, to stay strong is my only defense. I can't tell people what is really going on. That I got yelled at yesterday or how I truly feel at odds with myself. Going back and forth, and back and forth, trying to get the end that seems less complicated. You want to know what is worse? The self-hate and self-doubt. I know this is Satan telling me lies, but its easier to go downstream than upstream. I am tired of fighting. The thoughts are back and recurring some days. I sometimes close my eyes and imagine something better. A rainbow, hanging out with my best friend, a really good dream, a good outcome for the future, and anything that makes me happy and removes me from the current situation. The other thing that is hard to admit is that I have been neglecting myself. Been listening to more lies, of which Satan has happily provided about body image and nutrition.
The one thing in my life right now that seems to be taking up lots of room in my head is the situation with one of my friends. I can not fathom what is going on. I don't even know. One minute she is talking to me the next she is not. I can't even grasp this concept. It hurts me to no end. In one of my last posts, I thought God had given me this as an opportunity to evaluate this friendship and figure out what step to take next. But I am still left with questions.
This thought came into my head today about being glued and running out of glue. I asked myself this question, what holds you together? It surely isn't glue. Well, possibly the glue made from God. He keeps me together. I simply forget to rely on Him. The other things I know that keep me in one piece are my friends. Without them I would be a complete mess. They always help me turn my eyes back on God, encourage me, and pray for me.
So for the past few days I have been turning to this song, by Newsboys titled, "God's Not Dead." It talks about how God is living on the inside and roaring like a lion. I stop on these lines and how it says God is roaring like a lion. This resonates with me because I wonder to myself if I have been feeding the lion or neglecting it. I have noticed I seem to be neglecting to put on my armor, so I am hypothesizing that the lion has also been receiving some neglect.
Tonight I urgently and earnestly pray to God that he will take my life and hold it in his hands. I know he can feel my tired body and wants me to seek his will and let go of all the hurts. Tonight I give up what is hurting me tonight, the self-doubt, the self-hate, the image and act of self-harm, the lies, the control and anything else that has been holding me from His grace this week. I am worthy to receive His love, peace, and mercy. God I don't want to be the controller of the glue. You have the masterpiece in mind and can work much swifter from the dual perspective of inside and outside of the work itself. Please continue to speak words of love over me. Calm this timid spirit inside of me. Give me opportunities for peace, self-growth and confidence.
Signed as always,
Nicole
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