Monday, October 10, 2011

Hitting Rock Bottom Again

The above music video talks about not being strong enough but God is strong enough. Learning to trust in this is so hard for me. I always feel that I have to be strong for both God and me, but that's a lot to put on one person, and God is stronger than any person, He did create the universe. 


Lately I have been feeling like I have been hitting rock bottom again. I am so conflicted to say this after God has blessed me so much with my internships and now that I will be graduating in December. Life is not easy and I can't count on one hand where I believe that all is right in the world.


This post, I just want to touch on how Satan can influence a person's thoughts. So many questions pop up as you can imagine. I don't understand either. Satan has been playing with my head. I am confused. A good descriptor is the word, cloudy. Satan has been filling my head with thoughts and not positive ones. I have found that transitions are a place where Satan tries and persuade me out of anything he feels necessary. 


Right now, I am dealing with a lot of emotions. I am very anxious and stressed. I am restless. I am angry. I am tired. I want to run away. I am happy. I am sad. I am confused. I am hurting. I feel guilty and lost.


October 9th 2011 was my 3 year recognition of me getting baptized, such a step of faith. I was so excited to share this day with my friends. I went and saw the movie Courageous with my friend, Jessie. It was so good recommend seeing it and take your friends and family.


Lessons I have learned from being in "rock bottom" (and need to be reminded of. Thank you to my friend K.C for the gentle reminder.):

  • Be accountable to others. We were meant to be in fellowship with others. Lean on them and stop isolating yourself. 
  • Stop blaming yourself. Take responsibility for your own actions and not those of others.
  • You can be a leader in your own actions, but others have to make their own choices.
  • Pray, Pray and  PRAY!
  • Read the Bible daily! 
  • Be encouraged and stay encouraged. God will help you win the fight against Satan!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Powerful Prayers


Last Sunday I had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of a time of worship and prayer. It was amazing to witness the many people to offer prayers to the Father. I loved how many people turned out for this event. The unity was awesome. I had some troubles speaking up, because fear still controls me in some situations. Why not speak up? Why didn’t I say something? I may never know the answer to the “why” questions.

This is what I do know that God moves in mysterious ways. I know this because I know I am struggling with direction and God’s vision for my life. I just finished my last internship and I should be happy, but I am left confused and not sure what to do next. For three months my life consisted of routine and a purpose. It’s good to finally realize even if people are going through different situations, still struggle about the same things, such as God’s direction and vision for their lives.

Sunday night was an awakening. I missed hanging out with my church friends. I was surrounded by so many people who all shared a love for Jesus and God.

After the night of prayer we sang a song to close out the night.  I love singing songs to the King!

After the prayer meeting, the young adult group went out and had dinner. It was an awesome night of fellowship. I have missed that. When not focusing on the bad things, life is pretty good.

Tips:
  • Be spontaneous.
  • Take risks.
  • If an opportunity arises, take it and be changed.

Reflections


I have been out of my internship since September 30th 2011, let me tell you I have learned a lot.

As someone who analyzes everything they do, I am still processing the last few months. But this is what I do know, I am not the same person I was three months ago.  The first week was horrible. I believe in this truth that God wouldn’t give me something, I couldn’t handle right? I remember that first day so well or more like the after effects. My friend sent me this wonderful text of her just getting engaged. Deep down I was so happy, but so sad at the same time. I called her back and started to cry. I felt so bad for feeling that I ruined this wonderful news call and making it seem about me. I was without internet and no tv, no way to communicate with my friends. That first Sunday and Monday was super hard, because I had nothing to do and felt so alone. The first week was so overwhelming, learning all new things and being away from family and friends.  That night I texted a good friend and he replied ten minutes later with some encouraging verses.

1 Corinthians 1:3-7 “Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus.  For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.”

Those verses were exactly what I needed to hear or read at that moment.

The next few weeks were good and I enjoyed learning under my new supervisors. I even met some really great physical therapists. I started connecting with my patients.  What an amazing feeling!

I started to get comfortable.  Yet I still was reserved and I missed my friends a lot. I also figured out working 7 days in a row, was almost too much and I didn’t like working the weekends.  Glad I only had to do two weekends the whole three months I was there. I was also thankful for the opportunity to go to Ecuador because I truly believe it helped train me for the long hours that my job required.

Midterm-6 weeks in and 6 weeks left…
What a feeling! I passed my midterm and well God was there every step of the way. That was the amazing part. Even though it was tough, God saved me and protected me. I prayed every morning and every night.

The last 6 weeks were good. I was starting to be more on my own and I was getting better at making phone calls and my documentation was in top shape.  Written work is always my strong suit. I know God planted this seed for a reason. I am good at this job and I received a good review from my supervisors saying that I will be a great occupational therapist one day. I loved that comment.

To say the least, the last week was hard. I was teaching a new student. I remembered my first week and how I wished I would have had someone point things out to me. I just hope I encouraged and helped her as much as I felt like she needed it. Also the last week was so rewarding! I did two evaluations by myself and wrote up all the paperwork in a timely manner. I was so proud of myself.  I also learned that hanging with other students was amazing! I loved talking about work and them actually understanding what I talked about and loved hanging with people my own age.  Friday was hectic and I was so tired. I made it through and that is all that matters. I found out I passed the final and then I received some gifts and had to say final goodbyes.
Surprisingly, I learned that I loved outpatient and learning about lymphedema. If you don’t know what lymphedema is, google it or ask me if you have some free time. I also learned about myself that knowledge is power and that I will probably get certified in lymphedema therapy.

What’s next?
  • Study, study, study!
  • Graduate in December.
  • Take the Boards.
  • Pass the Boards.
  • Find a job.


Tips:
  • ·      Live each day for that day.
  • ·         Prayer is powerful.
  • ·         Jesus ALWAYS protects!