Testing Your Faith

*Warning: this is going to be a longer post.* Sorry for not posting in awhile.


I wanted to share a story from a devotional I read this summer, written by Glynnis Whitwer. It gives a good point of view of the story of when God tested Abraham.

That message is found in the Bible, in the story of a man who was dealing with his own desperate situation. His name was Abraham and he faced the greatest testing of his life. After longing for a son for many years, God finally gave Abraham a boy, whom he named Isaac. Abraham never imagined God would test his faith by asking him to sacrifice his son. But it happened.

It had to have been the darkest day of Abraham's life as he trudged up the mountain, with firewood strapped to his son's back. Every step took Abraham closer to what he believed to be the sad ending of a hopeless situation-the death of his son. Yet in spite of his sorrow, Abraham trusted God. His heart wasn't soaring with joy. He wasn't dancing up the mountain. But he put one foot in front of the other. Walking through the darkness of the situation; obeying His God's commands.

Unbeknownst to Abraham, something else was walking up that mountain. Quietly. Out of sight. On the other side of the mountain. Something else was putting one foot in front of the other. Only Abraham couldn't see it.

For every step Abraham took, a ram on the other side of the mountain took a step.

All Abraham saw that day was his solitary journey of pain. As he got closer to the top of the mountain, his dread must have increased. I wonder if he asked himself any questions. I would have. I would have wondered why hadn't God intervened? Why hadn't God stopped this testing? Couldn't God see that Abraham was a man of faith? Why test him in this way?

But there was no answer. There was no voice from heaven. And so Abraham kept obeying his God's command. He put Isaac on an altar and prepared to sacrifice his one and only son.

And just at that very moment, at the very last second, when it looked like the end had come, God spoke, stopping the sacrifice. Abraham looked up and there caught in the thicket was a ram. Abraham took his son off the altar, replaced him with the ram, and offered the sacrifice to God.

Abraham named that place "Yahweh-Yireh" or "The Lord Will Provide." And the story was written down for generations of God-followers to read. It was written so that you and I today would read it as we face our own hopeless situations. It was captured in print so that you and I would know that God is already planning for our provision. We don't see it. We don't hear it. But we can trust that our God is at work. On your behalf, and on mine.

I choose to trust God today. A ram is on the way.

The purpose of this message is to help remind myself to stop sacrificing myself because God always has a way out.  I read the book of Hebrews. Well let's just say its an eye opener and God is awesome. Lately, I have been walking through the dark and its hard if you, yourself keep shutting the light off. SO this is the advice I received from Hebrews, 1. Fix your thoughts on Jesus, why? Because he is an apostle and the high priest, He was found of great worth, more than Moses. Plus He is my SAVIOR! 2. Spur one another on and don't give up the faith of meeting in fellowship, because its always encouraging to be around brothers and sisters of the faith. and finally 3. Do not throw away your confidence. Persevere and never give up because one day it will be greatly rewarded.

Hitting Rock Bottom Again

The above music video talks about not being strong enough but God is strong enough. Learning to trust in this is so hard for me. I always feel that I have to be strong for both God and me, but that's a lot to put on one person, and God is stronger than any person, He did create the universe. 


Lately I have been feeling like I have been hitting rock bottom again. I am so conflicted to say this after God has blessed me so much with my internships and now that I will be graduating in December. Life is not easy and I can't count on one hand where I believe that all is right in the world.


This post, I just want to touch on how Satan can influence a person's thoughts. So many questions pop up as you can imagine. I don't understand either. Satan has been playing with my head. I am confused. A good descriptor is the word, cloudy. Satan has been filling my head with thoughts and not positive ones. I have found that transitions are a place where Satan tries and persuade me out of anything he feels necessary. 


Right now, I am dealing with a lot of emotions. I am very anxious and stressed. I am restless. I am angry. I am tired. I want to run away. I am happy. I am sad. I am confused. I am hurting. I feel guilty and lost.


October 9th 2011 was my 3 year recognition of me getting baptized, such a step of faith. I was so excited to share this day with my friends. I went and saw the movie Courageous with my friend, Jessie. It was so good recommend seeing it and take your friends and family.


Lessons I have learned from being in "rock bottom" (and need to be reminded of. Thank you to my friend K.C for the gentle reminder.):

• Be accountable to others. We were meant to be in fellowship with others. Lean on them and stop isolating yourself. 
• Stop blaming yourself. Take responsibility for your own actions and not those of others.
• You can be a leader in your own actions, but others have to make their own choices.
• Pray, Pray and  PRAY!
• Read the Bible daily! 
• Be encouraged and stay encouraged. God will help you win the fight against Satan!

Powerful Prayers

Last Sunday I had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of a time of worship and prayer. It was amazing to witness the many people to offer prayers to the Father. I loved how many people turned out for this event. The unity was awesome. I had some troubles speaking up, because fear still controls me in some situations. Why not speak up? Why didn’t I say something? I may never know the answer to the “why” questions.

This is what I do know that God moves in mysterious ways. I know this because I know I am struggling with direction and God’s vision for my life. I just finished my last internship and I should be happy, but I am left confused and not sure what to do next. For three months my life consisted of routine and a purpose. It’s good to finally realize even if people are going through different situations, still struggle about the same things, such as God’s direction and vision for their lives.

Sunday night was an awakening. I missed hanging out with my church friends. I was surrounded by so many people who all shared a love for Jesus and God.

After the night of prayer we sang a song to close out the night.  I love singing songs to the King!

After the prayer meeting, the young adult group went out and had dinner. It was an awesome night of fellowship. I have missed that. When not focusing on the bad things, life is pretty good.

Tips:

• Be spontaneous.
• Take risks.
• If an opportunity arises, take it and be changed.

Reflections

I have been out of my internship since September 30^th 2011, let me tell you I have learned a lot.

As someone who analyzes everything they do, I am still processing the last few months. But this is what I do know, I am not the same person I was three months ago.  The first week was horrible. I believe in this truth that God wouldn’t give me something, I couldn’t handle right? I remember that first day so well or more like the after effects. My friend sent me this wonderful text of her just getting engaged. Deep down I was so happy, but so sad at the same time. I called her back and started to cry. I felt so bad for feeling that I ruined this wonderful news call and making it seem about me. I was without internet and no tv, no way to communicate with my friends. That first Sunday and Monday was super hard, because I had nothing to do and felt so alone. The first week was so overwhelming, learning all new things and being away from family and friends.  That night I texted a good friend and he replied ten minutes later with some encouraging verses.

1 Corinthians 1:3-7 “Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus.  For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.”

Those verses were exactly what I needed to hear or read at that moment.

The next few weeks were good and I enjoyed learning under my new supervisors. I even met some really great physical therapists. I started connecting with my patients.  What an amazing feeling!

I started to get comfortable.  Yet I still was reserved and I missed my friends a lot. I also figured out working 7 days in a row, was almost too much and I didn’t like working the weekends.  Glad I only had to do two weekends the whole three months I was there. I was also thankful for the opportunity to go to Ecuador because I truly believe it helped train me for the long hours that my job required.

Midterm-6 weeks in and 6 weeks left…

What a feeling! I passed my midterm and well God was there every step of the way. That was the amazing part. Even though it was tough, God saved me and protected me. I prayed every morning and every night.

The last 6 weeks were good. I was starting to be more on my own and I was getting better at making phone calls and my documentation was in top shape.  Written work is always my strong suit. I know God planted this seed for a reason. I am good at this job and I received a good review from my supervisors saying that I will be a great occupational therapist one day. I loved that comment.

To say the least, the last week was hard. I was teaching a new student. I remembered my first week and how I wished I would have had someone point things out to me. I just hope I encouraged and helped her as much as I felt like she needed it. Also the last week was so rewarding! I did two evaluations by myself and wrote up all the paperwork in a timely manner. I was so proud of myself.  I also learned that hanging with other students was amazing! I loved talking about work and them actually understanding what I talked about and loved hanging with people my own age.  Friday was hectic and I was so tired. I made it through and that is all that matters. I found out I passed the final and then I received some gifts and had to say final goodbyes.

Surprisingly, I learned that I loved outpatient and learning about lymphedema. If you don’t know what lymphedema is, google it or ask me if you have some free time. I also learned about myself that knowledge is power and that I will probably get certified in lymphedema therapy.

What’s next?

• Study, study, study!
• Graduate in December.
• Take the Boards.
• Pass the Boards.
• Find a job.

Tips:

• ·      Live each day for that day.
• ·         Prayer is powerful.
• ·         Jesus ALWAYS protects!

God Speaks, Are You Listening?

How does God speak to you?

I believe I have been lead to ask this question, or rather answer it. I find it interesting to discuss the many ways God speaks to us. 

I love this quote, “Make time for the quiet moments, as God whispers and the world is loud.”

The very thought of God whispering, just astounds me. But also He speaks in many other ways. For me, He speaks through my dreams, I may not always hear a voice, but I have a feeling that it is a direct message from God. I have a great example for this! Let me explain the details first.

Back story: A lot of my friends are planning weddings or are married. It makes me think and wonder if I will ever be in that same position. I have recently become happy and satisfied being single, but the idea of marriage still resounds in my heart.  I had this dream one night, a glimpse of the future from God. It was glorious. I was in the chapel getting ready and I remember that I was writing my vows. The glimpse that God gave me didn’t show me who I was marrying, but gave me the insight that I would be praising Him for the opportunity to get married. It was such an awesome gift to be shown that I do not need to worry, because one day God will provide me with the man of my dreams, so to speak. :)

Have you ever heard the voice of God? I have. I can’t say that it has been too many times. The awesome thing is once you realize that it was the voice of God, I get super excited and then try to decipher what He is trying to say to me.  What I am trying to say, is that he doesn’t always give me the answers.  He guides me, but gives me the opportunity of choice and free will to contemplate what He wants me to do. I figure sometimes He sits back and watches to see what choice we will decide.

Do you ever feel that He wants to teach you something? I believe I do. That is why He stays on the sidelines, like a good Father. He is there to give us encouragement, like when He gave me the glimpse that I will get married one day.

Not only does He speak in dreams or in our heart, He also speaks through the Holy Bible. When you are discouraged, read it for encouragement. When you are afraid, read it for courage. When you are hungry, read it to be satisfied. When you are insecure, read it to be comforted. God always knows what to say when we are hurting, scared, lonely, or discouraged. The best thing about God is that He can totally relate because He has been where we are and can comfort us.

My all time favorite verse is Isaiah 40:31:

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Today I had a 45 minute presentation on energy conservation and work simplification. Last night I called on my friends to pray and give me advice on being confident during the presentation. I prayed last night and prior to entering the presentation. Even though I was scared I leaned on God to carry me through. This time at the presentation I came more prepared and rehearsed, compared to last time.  I also trusted this verse, sent to me by a Godly man in my life.

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” Ephesians 6:10

You know what, because I believed in myself and trusted God had my back, I delivered the presentation with ease and an air of confidence. These last two weeks of my internship will be an end to a great learning and growth experience.

Defined

Who I am...
I attended a women's ministry night at His House, a Christian fellowship that I participate in. The women's ministry topic featured the topic "beauty." I have also been thinking about this subject for awhile. When God lays something on your heart, its hard not to listen and obey. I have been learning throughout my years on this earth the differences between what God says is beautiful and what the world claims. This post is not going to be a list of what I am or not. I am beautiful, not by the world standards but by God's! And so are you!

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves." 1 Peter 3:3-5a

The lesson I learned here was that God does not make junk. We are his handiwork and masterpieces, although he continues to refine us. If you have not seen the video by the Skit Guys, called "God's Chisel," I would recommend watching it. Its so good and even though we were born sinners and have sin in our life, God still loves us. As we strive to know Him better, He continues to mold us to be more like His son, Jesus. However we have to take some of the responsibility such as reading the Bible and studying the word of God, and having a prayer life. I have been struggling with these things as I have been thrown out of routine and exhaustion crosses my path of life after a typical day at work. I have been becoming better at praying and trying to stay encouraged through God's holy word. 

Where your beauty lies in God, your heart will also lie. Or maybe its the other way around? Anyways God loves you for your true self...don't change just because the world tells you that your body or outward appearance doesn't meet the standard. Besides who gets to set the standard? In God's eyes, we set our own standard and are beautiful in our own way. I love that I can be who I am without sacrificing my values and beliefs.


I praise God for reminding me and encouraging others on what beauty really means. :) It really is, what is on the inside that counts!

Do you have the light?

The light. Do you know what that is? By definition it means, "something that makes things visible or affords illumination" and "the radiance or illumination from a particular source." Isn't that a perfect definition? I am inspired by this and also by my own definition that light is the opposite of darkness. Or really darkness is just the absence of light. I have been thinking of this topic a lot. One reason is that because Jesus died for my sins and lives in me. He is the light of my world and life. 

In John 8:12 states "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Jesus is the light of life, how grand is that! That we will NEVER be in darkness when He is in our life. 

I sometimes wrestle with the darkness, because nothing good can come out of it. I also think about whether my actions, words, and attitudes are setting a good example for those around me. Since God lives in me, I carry the light of God's love with me. I just want to make an impact, make a difference, you know shine light in the darkest night. If I change one person's outlook in life to be a more positive one, I will be happy. WHY? You ask? Because it wasn't me who changed that person's life, it was God! I strive for these God moments! If you have had them, you know what I mean, and if you haven't, I pray that you find out why it's so exciting.

It is also interesting to take this viewpoint, that God made both the light and the darkness and both of these have their purposes. So don't give darkness a bad connotation.

Lately, I feel I have been putting myself in the darkness. Don't put yourself there or let Satan attack you and put you in a corner. Satan's objective at all costs is to dim your light and at most put it out. Just like the song lyrics, don't let Satan blow it out, I'm going to let it shine! Satan attacks for one reason only to separate us from God. I have been dealing with issues and now have seen the light, so to speak, God has been telling me that I don't deserve to be in the darkness. He loves me and even though I know this, it takes a while to anchor it in my heart, again and again. :) 

I choose to step out of the darkness and to continue shining my light. I choose to let my light shine. I will continue to strive for the relationship with Jesus. Satan you will not blow my light out, because I'M GOING TO LET IT SHINE!!!

Brandon Heath says it so well in his song, "The Light," stating, "God, since You gave me life something was different, I Knew it the instant You put the light in me. The spark, the shot to the heart. You are the hope that leads me out of the dark. You let Your love shine down so that the world could see You put the light in me. You are the Maker, you tell the sun when to rise. I'm just a house on a hill, but You make me brighter than all the stars in the sky, keep me from growing down. Cause in Your perfection, I'm just a reflection. So pull me closer to You, I catch like a fire and I'll hold You higher, cause You put the light in me."

Anyways in what ways do you let your light shine?

You ARE worth it!

You are worth it!


I watched this movie tonight called, "To Save a Life." It reminded me about how I have been feeling lately. We all go through tough times. My parents are divorced and you know what its not my fault. I have contemplated many things over the past few months while at my internship. Things I won't fully go into, but its not about that. Its about this...God has a plan for me and a plan for you. I have been struggling and trying to hide is not an answer. First you can't hide from God because He is everywhere. Second, He has a plan for me, He knows my confusion and frustrations. He has seen my hurting soul. He has been there. What was also awesome about that movie is it talks about worth and God showed me tonight that I am greater than what I feel I am worth. In one part of the movie, the character Chris (youth pastor) talks about what would a person do for $20. He gives examples such as taking your mom to prom or french kiss a dog, but then he asks the same questions with a penny. Would you take your mom to the prom for a penny or french kiss a dog? It made me realize that's how I feel sometimes. A penny. But God showed me tonight that He thinks I am greater than that and you are too.


I have been blaming myself for a lot of things lately. I just don't feel good enough. I feel lost, probably like most of you right now, but maybe not. This world is crazy. Don't let Satan knock you down. I have been there and getting up is the hardest thing. But just keep moving forward, God is there right beside you. This is my only comfort, knowing He is by my side, ALWAYS. You (and I) have to trust Him. It's hard I know.


Don't be a penny today! Be something bigger and better! God loves and cares for you. But even if you choose to be the penny, God will still put you in His bank. :)