12/12/12

Well its that magical day of 12/12/12 thought I should post something. I was just thinking on the way home tonight about what I love about the Christmas season. It's not about the presents or the gifts but the presence  of the people around me and of course Jesus Christ. All the glory goes to Him, I owe Him my life. I was thinking about this as I passed all the houses filled with lights and trees adorned in the windows. Its traditions that have passed by, that won't be amended because people are different and circumstances are different, but you know what Jesus is always the same. Which is something great to count on.

Don't lose hope, because Jesus will give you all the hope you will ever need!

Living with Shadows

Two days ago, I went to this incredible dinner put on by my church for the women. It was themed "the sweetest Christmas." The speaker was my good friend Sarah H, from church. I can only say we met by God's will only, since I don't think anything is just a coincidence. I was told she had a blog, and an almost instant friendship was sparked. But if you ask me, I think it was in God's plan all along for us to be friends. I have learned so much from her and through that Jesus.

Lately, I have been ignoring Jesus. Not that I have been doing it deliberately, but the excuses of  being tired, or simply busy, comes to mind often. Through all this Jesus has been very persistent and finally through the words of my friend, Sarah, I was able to put all the pieces together. 

I have titled this post, "Living with Shadows," because lately that's how I feel. But God tells me a whole other story. Thanks to Sarah, I was able to visualize some images that God has been trying to portray a message for me. So I have been seeing the word "shadows" everywhere. I was originally thinking it was because of what I lacked, such as lack of friends, and lack of support. The definitions of shadow are; a dark figure or image cast on the ground or some surface by a body intercepting light, shade or comparative darkness, as in an area, shadows, darkness especially that coming after a sunset, shelter or protection, and a slight suggestion or trace. While reading through the definitions, did you not picture each description? I did.

My thoughts were wrong, I thought the shadows meant that I was supposed to be secluded, in the dark, alone. Again God shows me that is not the truth. Some days I feel when God can finally share what he is trying to get across. So like I have read in Sarah's blog postings, I imagine Jesus talking to me.

Jesus: Nicole, my child. You have it all wrong. What you are going through is not your fault...it has always been my plan for you to go through this type of season in your life. You seem to forget that when others leave, I don't. Shadows aren't bad things like most people think, for you, I want you to know that you see shadows because of the light you provide. It's not the absence or lack of something, but to remind you who is truly important in you life. 

Wow! Such truth and wisdom! I am so thankful for everything that I have learned over the past few days and weeks and yes, even months. Its hard but relying on the truth can lead to so much more greater things. God is always teaching, just have to give him more time to listen in. I may face trials and seasons of uncertainty, but God is there even in the shadows. 

Bread of Life

So I was thinking the other day about how God gives us little bits of information like little chunks of bread. He doesn't give us the whole slice of bread because that would defeat the whole learning process  and growth experience. Although some days I really want more than a little tidbit. 

As I was traveling home a few days ago, I made this realization of the feeding of the five thousand and the loaves of bread.

"Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” But Jesus said, “They need not go away;you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children." Matthew 14.13-21 ESV

 Later when you read about the story these themes pop out how Jesus is the bread. Its not mentioned in Matthew 14, but I bet that there was some sort of teaching that went along with the meal. Another theme that is revealed is faith, pure faith. That Jesus knew that there would be enough to feed everyone. That's amazing!

As most of you know in communion Jesus also calls himself the bread. The Bible is also referred to the daily bread.

It just all clicked together, well at least for me that in that story even before people really understood Jesus, He was the provider! 

Little bits of wisdom that God gives us ultimately relates to pieces of bread relates to the body of Christ which relates to the Scriptures/Holy Bible. Maybe I will be the only one that will understand the connections God is leading me to. I am okay with that. Hopefully God will show you something interesting soon too, then you can share it with me.

Have an amazing blessed day!

The Drought

Written on July 13
Going through this drought is like the earth outside. It's dry and dead and that is how I feel inside. I want to change this feeling or do I? I'm not sure anymore. Just light it on fire, at least then something will be happening and moving. This feeling only gets cultivated if there are thoughts to provoke it. So with that logic it's my own doing for putting myself there. Letting myself be isolated.


On days like today I have a hard time seeing the truth. The truth of who actually sees me as important. I know Jesus does.


Edited on July 31st
I have been thinking about editing this and I know my feelings are different from the above statements. There is song that I recently heard, but am unable to find at this time, about how through the deserts there is joy and growth. If I find it I will post it up here. It talks about water and how the deserts aren't a bad thing, but a wonderful thing to experience.

{I found the song, it's titled, "You Revive Me." The lyrics that stood out to me were, "You revive me, you revive me Lord, and all my deserts are rivers of joy." What profound power in those lyrics...it makes me happy to see a different viewpoint put on the word, desert, and how a desert can make you feel. Love it!}


Throughout this lack of rainfall, it makes me think about how God cares for us. He provides us with what we need, shelter, food, clothing, a job. All good things to be thankful for.


I am reminded by this simple promise, that He cares for the birds of the air. Through this drought, He keeps all the birds fed, somehow. It is quite a mystery, isn't it? It gives me hope that He will take care of us too.

If you are interested in reading the passage that this true life example came from, it's in Matthew 6: 25-34.


I am still learning to give things to God and how much easier life is when we do give it to Him. 


Have a great day! :)

Following Him, Not Me

I haven't written in quite awhile. Well lots have happened, two weddings, test results, friends moved away, and God has spoken to me in all of that.


Big Lesson I am learning, change happens, and accepting the change and being patient through it is a tough process.


So God has been teaching me a lot. It's not that I haven't been listening its just I don't understand what He is trying to say until two weeks after the event.


It was June 23rd, and I got the results to my test through the mail. It was not happy news, and I was pretty upset. But later God shares with me that I wasn't relying on Him. I placed all my faith in the test because I was hoping that if I passed, I would be on my way out on my own with a new job, and a new home, and a new car. But God had different plans. A teaching moment. I need to rely on God, because he has everything planned out. But you know what? That is so hard to give Him full control.


The next hardest thing I have been going through, is that one of my best friends got married and then moved away to another state. I have never really experienced a super close friend moving away. Let me tell you, it is seriously the most emotional yet most growth I have been experiencing. The worst part is that there is hardly any communication and I am driven on talking to this person. I feel though that two weeks prior to the wedding, we communicated much less than normal, and I believe that this was God preparing me for the change that was coming. But of course I didn't see it. Not till a few weeks later and things became significantly clearer. I still don't understand what is going on, the changes that have to happen, to make us both stronger individuals. God has been teaching me patience throughout this whole situation, and He continues to give me support. I remember this conversation I had with my friend several weeks before the wedding. Something God told me through a silent conversation, that distance may become me and my friend, but she will always be my friend. I guess when I had this feeling, I didn't truly understand how hard it would be.


I am so thankful that God promises us that He will never leave us or forsake us. I continue to learn that through these situations that even though He gives us friends, He is the ultimate comforter and FRIEND!!!


Through everything, I ultimately learn that I haven't been trusting Him, following Him, loving Him. Such powerful realizations that I continue to work on. I am not perfect, but I love a perfect God.


Well for now I continue to ponder the rest of what God has been teaching me and will update again soon. Thanks for reading.

Shining Like Jesus

I love God's little surprises. My week didn't start like any other. I decided to take a week off after I took my certification test for Occupational Therapy. It is a 4 hour test comprising of 2 sections, one section including 170 multiple choice questions. I now wait for the results which will be in the mail in 4 weeks.


My Monday started with a five and a half hour drive to a place called Mason, Ohio. God graced me with safety and protection the whole way down, as I saw at least 4 accidents on the side of the road. The last accident I saw was about 20 minutes from my destination and had involved 5 cars. I felt so blessed to have made it safely and with no problems. Praise Him!


Tuesday, I spent the day running errands with my cousin. We ended up going to Lebanon, Ohio to the nearest Dollar Tree. One of my all time favorite stores. I got some supplies for the people who are going to Ecuador in a few weeks. It's exciting because I have been to Ecuador before and I love helping out my church family. Then I had dinner at my Aunt's and her new husband's condo. It was a good meal and then we played games afterward.


Wednesday, I played games in the morning with my cousins and then later went out to dinner with my Uncle and cousin at Olive Garden. I love pasta. Later that night we watched a movie, called, We Bought a Zoo, with Matt Damon. I have seen it before and it was even good the second time, and I didn't get emotional this time. After the movie, everyone departed for their rooms. I started to not feel right and I really couldn't put my finger on it. Ideas and thoughts swirling through my head. Very confused. Not knowing I really needed prayer at this moment, I went to sleep.


Thursday morning I woke up feeling uneasy and strange. I texted my friend immediately asking for prayers. This is the heart of the reason of today's post. I had scheduled an advanced horseback ride in Liberty, Indiana with my cousin. I have been to this place two times before this and I have been satisfied. You know it is never about the destination, but always about the journey getting there. The reason why I had spiritual warfare the night before because Satan did not want me to have a certain conversation with my cousin. Let me tell you. I am always amazed by God's love for the people of the world, even the ones who don't want to give Him a chance. The conversation covered my music which is worship music, which led to a conversation about HIM. Makes the whole trip to Ohio worthwhile. We talked about beliefs and even how she believes in science but has an open mind. I know the big reason she has had a change of heart has to do with the reason that her boyfriend took his own life almost 3 years ago. She told me that she wasn't right in believing that there was nothing more than being left in the ground. I love this, because I know there is hope. The whole way there made my heart so happy.


Then  we arrived in Liberty, Indiana to the state park, where there is a place to ride and many trails on this state park. I requested an advance ride so I can canter and be free. They bring out my horse, and its my dream horse to own one day. He was a buckskin gelding named Spirit, named after the movie, "Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron." Overall it was the best day I have had in a long time. We ran through creeks and got our pant legs all wet. I was laughing the whole time and I love the fact that there was a smile on my face. The scenery was beautiful. God was definitely there with us. My cousin even had a nice time too. She even got her horse to canter this time around. :)


Then we arrived back in Oxford, Ohio, which is where Miami University is located and to get to the horse place, we drive right through campus. We had an early dinner at Pita Pit. I love Miami's campus because all the buildings are so uniform and it is all so regal looking. Nothing like any campus I have seen in Michigan.


Then later my other cousin decided she wanted to watch this scary movie which I opted out of. So glad I did apparently she was so scared she stayed the night instead of going home to her mom's.


Friday, I ran to the store with my cousin and ended up getting supplies for her to make my uncle a carrot cake from scratch with homemade cream cheese frosting. After that we played a game of Phase 10 and then we went mini golfing. The mini golfing was located in West Chester, Ohio and it was also a indoor monster themed course, including blacklight/glow-in-the-dark. It was so much fun. I ended up coming in two strokes below my cousin. Then the evening was filled with a memorial for Alex who ended up taking his own life three years ago. He suffered with Crohn's. This fundraiser was the third annual event and has been raising money for research for a cure. The food was good and at the end of the fundraiser was a raffle. I didn't win anything. It's not about the prize but the overall happiness of where the money goes to in the end.


Saturday, I left around 1pm and after stopping in Ann Arbor for a couple hours visiting my family, I finally arrived at home at 9pm. It was so fun. I haven't seen them in a long time. We went out to dinner in Dexter, MI. It made me think of the time I visited some friends in Pinckney a few summers ago. On the way home I saw this license plate drive past me, it said {Psalm 61}. God moment? Wouldn't doubt that for a moment.

Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint. 

Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy. 

Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah
For you, O God, have heard my vows;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name. 

Prolong the life of the king;
may his years endure to all generations!
May he be enthroned forever before God;
appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him! 

So will I ever sing praises to your name,
as I perform my vows day after day. 

Psalm 61 (ESV)

Overall I had a great week. Spent it with much reflection and in conversation with God. Hope you all had a nice week as well. :)

May Brings Growth and Flowers

May was like any month busy but was full of promise. Promise of new hope and beginnings like budding flowers.


I have had this post swirling in my head for a long time. It always takes me a long time to interpret what has been going on in my life. I thank God for being different in that way.


I learned a couple lessons this month.

1. Some messages God sends are not just for others but also can be useful for yourself.
2. There is always something to be thankful for.
3. God made the good days, but also the bad days.
4. The fact that God knows everything and holds everything in His hands.
5. Everything is done in His time.

Let me explain more.

1. Some messages God sends are not just for others but also can be useful for yourself.
1. I had this situation with a friend that started awhile ago and it came to the peak in April. I just had enough. I was done getting played. Done expecting something and getting nothing. I was always so angry. I didn't really understand why. I thought it was just how she was and that I was getting upset over the little things. Or making things seem more than what they were. In all reality I was blinded by Satan. One April afternoon I receive this message from God telling me that I should rebuke Satan from my friend and attempt to tell her what Satan was doing with her other relationships. She didn't see it. Then God tells me that the relationship between this girl and I is not supposed to be broken, because we both have qualities that are important that the other needs in their life. He told me that I am a good encourager and she is a mighty prayer warrior. So in my blindness, thinking this was meant for just her, I dropped it. I knew where our relationship stood, that this message was never going to get told. But God always has other plans. He took the time to continue to persuade this message, by not letting Satan win this battle of tearing two friends apart. I met with my friend on May 16th, 2012, and I am proud to say we are still friends.
2. There is always something to be thankful for.
1. This shouldn't be a hard lesson, but sometimes it is. It's so hard to look for the good in things. I have always been more on the negative side. Jesus pretty much has changed my outlook on life and perspective on things/situations/people around me. It's hard especially when the world is such a frustrating place to live. Thankfully God holds new hope in every new day.
3. God made the good days, but also the bad days.
1. This was such a "light bulb" moment. He doesn't just make the good days, but also the bad ones. Interpretation can differ per person too. So what makes a truly bad day? I feel this one is hard to explain, because you have to live it. You have to take the time and let Him lead you to joy. I think I listened to a sermon or a speaker on a video or something that said the choice has to be daily. It's not the day that should make you happy or joyful, it's God. Coming to this realization, has made me so joyful, but how could it not? Even the classified "bad" days can just lead to good things later. Look towards Him, maybe in that moment He wants you to learn something. 
4. The fact that God knows everything and holds everything in His hands
1. He is the all-knowing and powerful Creator. The mere thought that He already knows what I am going to write before I write it. He knows everything and has a plan for every step we take. How amazing is that? Every situation I went through in May, He knew the outcome. I just can't explain how amazed and awed I feel at this moment. There are no real words to describe this feeling. It's like I want to explain it, but the words come out blank and I just stand there speechless. Have you ever been there? Just amazed by His glory? It is such an amazing feeling.
5. Everything is done in His time.
1. Its amazing to know that we have no control over what happens in the world. A good example of this, is that the time and day of the meeting I was supposed to have with my friend kept changing. She tried texting me a week before the actual meeting, but I never received any texts. Just proves to you that God had other plans for us. On the night when we met, my dog died, and I know in my heart that God had a reason for everything that happened that day. He knew that if things happened differently and if my friendship had ended, the loss of my dog, would have put me over the edge. God is a merciful God and he was able to mend a friendship and put that person in my life to help me with a difficult time.

May was such a good month. So much to learn and so much growth. Stepping in His footsteps and leaving Satan crying in the corner. God is so much bigger than what we give Him credit for. I love HIM so much!

I am so thankful for everything and blessed to be His child.